The Lelo Earl is extravagance at its finest
Disclaimer: I have neither seen nor used this toy. It’s waaaayyyyy out of my price range 🙂
I just ran across this the other day and was shocked. Completely shocked. I had no idea anything like this existed. I decided to do a quick write-up review and share with our readers.
Let the satire flow….
Whether you’re in the 1 percent or 99 percent, sex is THE universal activity that unites us all. Even if you’re a 1 percenter with money to burn (literally), you still can’t upgrade your genitals to platinum testicles that shoot diamond love darts, right? However, rich folks have the means to access all sorts of crazy sex toys that the rest of us never knew existed.
Drumroll, please: introducing the Lelo Earl, a 24 karat gold plated prostate massager.
This is a great gift for the guy that has EVERYTHING and compromises on NOTHING.
At first glance, this toy looks similar to a gold plated door handle. Upon closer inspection, you realize this is actually a gentleman’s prostate massager, that’s designed to go up your butthole and tickle your P-spot.
This is great for the fabulously wealthy guy that only plays with “up-scale” prostate toys. No ghetto toys allowed. With this 24-karat gold plated beast, you can tickle your prostate with style. All while getting a backrub from your favorite Swedish masseuse at the country club. Or, if boating is your thing, there’s nothing like a tantalizing prostate rub while at the helm of your 150 foot pleasure yacht, cruising off the coast of Sardinia.
But, wait, there’s more. What are those square looking things in the picture with “Lelo” engraved on them? I’m glad you asked. Those are matching cufflinks. With these, you can advertise your high class taste in sex toys at your next board meeting, on the golf course or at your next cancer fundraiser. What better way to show the world that you are, indeed, a high class modern male with impeccable taste?
Since you’ll be spending north of $2,000, this “massager” comes with an elegant gift box made of wood, a stylish satin pouch for storage, and a user’s manual. No cheap cardboard boxes or plastic pouches here.
- Length: 4.15 inches
- Insertable length: 3.5 inches
- Circumference: 3.25 inches
It’s available in gold OR silver, with cuff links to match. Heck, why not buy both! Perhaps you could save on shipping costs! Frugality is next to godliness.
Oh, let’s not forget: it comes with a 1 year warranty from Lelo. This is ridiculous if you ask me. For $2.5k a lifetime warranty is in order. I guess if one can afford a butt plug like this, who cares about a warranty, right?
Anyway, if that solid gold finish starts to peel off, Lelo will be there for a personal rescue. Maybe they’ll send a special drone with a velvet gift box to drop off a replacement?